Musings
11:15 a.m. Philly
Wednesday, 15 November 2006
If this isn’t love, I don’t know what is!
I was just telling Jeremy: we could take the bus right now, and make it to Alex’s yoga class OR we could stay home and I could muse a bit more. Thought of lots of things as I was showering.
I looove Alex’s yoga classes, and I need it too., Both for my certificate as a yoga instructor (still need 173 hours more, ..but still, the class is another 1.5 hours done!) , but more so because I haven’t stretched in all the ways Alex’s class inspires us to (and not just physically, but spiritually too. Sounds hokey, but it’s true!!!). Finally it means we have another chance to bond before we leave Nov 24; don’t remind me. This will be the very first Xmas since she was born we won’t be together, God, it hurts.
Thank God Patis and I have planned to spend Xmas together or I shall be gobsmacked. So..…
Go to yoga class and, in addition to all the health benefits PLUS the “pragmatic benefits” (certificate, certificate, certificate) have a chance to be with Alex “the teacher,” which I looooove
OR
Stay home and muse (now that hp’s started me on this, I can’t stop). The problem is when to draw the line. Jeremy says I don’t have to make it stream of consciousness. “Look at Carlos’s blog,” he says [Carlos Celdran, “Walk This Way, which is one of only 5 blogs he looks at regularly] he writes primarily about the walks he does, the artists he supports and the politicians he doesn’t (good for him!!) and preserving our cultural heritage…which makes him sound like an absolute pompous ass, but he isn’t., Quite the contrary…Carlos is adorable. And fun and brightbrightbright, which is why he is such a joy to read.
At any rate,…
Jeremy adds: “Look at Carlos. His blog is great, and he doesn’t say: ‘Today I woke up and told Tesa (his gorgeous wife—MGH) I think I’ll have a cuppa.’ None of this personal stuff.”
I turn a little sheepish.
I know I get personal. But I can’t help it (with apologies to my profession for spouting such an excuse). Most clinical psychologists exhort their clients never to use that line as an excuse. Because lots of times, people can help it,… they just choose not to.
N.B. Unless, of course, one had a psychobiological bent, which I admit I do. Thus, I would put a caveat on that: many times our genetic makeup makes it uber difficult to help it….e.g., if one is bipolar or schiz,…one is bioplar or schiz. One can’t “help it.”
BUT –
one can definitely choose whether to be a functioning schiz/bipolar etc. or not. And lots of times this has to do primarily with medication. To take - or not to take, as the case may be.
Thus, if one flips out because one has chosen not to take the meds, well, one can’t help being nuts when unmedicated, but one still had the choice of taking them or not. CONCLUSION: you are still responsible for all you said and did when manic or schizzy or whatever.
Of course, I would put a caveat there. Since the compliance rate is so, so bad--People hate to take medication, especially if it is a psychotropic. I think only caricatures of independence (and not truly independent people) refuse to take hypertensives, insulin etc. But it usually takes a while longer for, reasonable people to accept that they need medication—esp if lifelong, for maintenance.
Could they not be given a grace period? ... As in sige na nga! (ok, ok –sigh) the first two (or three, or four, depending on who is giving the grace period) times you flip out because you refuse meds, I can forgive you, but after that, all bets are off,
And I guess the number of times you can forgive, depends on several things:
1. how extreme the episodes are. Do you run up a 500K debt or do you spend P30,000 extra on a birthday party for your kid?
2. depends on who determines the gravity of the situation and that, too, depends on what other resources you had. Thirty thousand pesos, or even 500K can be a drop in the bucket for a kazillionaire. And if that is all someone does, maybe that someone can be forgiven. But if P30,000—even P300—is a lot of money, then medications (presuming they cost less than that . HA!! Fat chance!) are the way to go and to refuse to take them, seems a tad irresponsible (to say the least) UNLESS…
3. The side effects are horrendous. When it comes to psychotropics, a very real issue is: Is the cure worse than the illlness it cures?
4. And again, who decides that? If one’s liver or kidneys get compromised, or one gets tardive dyskinesia, then I, an admitted pro-medicate-ee, would say “Whoa! Let’s explore options.” That would especially be true if it were my liver/kidneys affected. I think, sometimes, the aftermath of mental illness is so painful for one’s family, that the family would rather the patients take medication (practically at all costs).
5. But what it isn’t a “no contest” type of decision? For example, what if it is merely weight gain? And again, merely is subjective, isn’t it? Twenty pounds may be a mere bagatelle for the family, who believe the weight gain an exceptionally small price for the stability lithium, for example, gives. But twenty pounds may mean a lot to a person who already feels bad about herself,
SO…I suggest a grace period for the family, for the ones most affected—employers, employees, significant others, etc. bearing in mind that those who take psychotropics are the most non-compliant…but that may be part of their problem, diba (wouldn’t you say)?
People are sooooo Neanderthal when it comes to mental illness. To many, it is still a disease to be ashamed of, hidden, denied. Taking medication is an admission that one needs help. And if the medication is for the long haul, rather than for an ultra stressful time in our lives, Malabo na. (it become a touch and go thing). Many people backslide….which can be understandable at one level, but so, sooooo sayang (an utter waste of time, energy, goodwill) in another. And I still think people who know meds help and still choose not to take them should be held accountable.
But I digress.
We were talking about what Jeremy thought a blog should be: Like Carlos’s: intelligent, witty, informed, but rarely personal.
I agree that Carlos’s blog is terrific. And if my passions were identical to Carlos’ I would consider myself truly gifted to be able to write a blog half as good as his. His kind of blog, if I were his kind of person—artistic, witty, bright, outrageous, cutting edge, creative, raconteur-ish—is certainly what I would aspire to.
But I am a psychologist, goddamit! [and I say this only for effect, because my husband, although he has acculturated some would say heroically (when you consider he was a stiff lipped Brit before) has not shed his stiffy-ness entirely (thank God for that! Blush)….and, in truth, I wouldn’t want him to].
I love it that he doesn’t tell you how many times I come each night (or if I do at all!!). And I also love that he doesn’t insist I be as taciturn as he.
But sometimes he forgets.
Nowhere more clearly than re this blog thing.
First, aren’t blogs mainly personal?
Secondly, this is what I do, for Chrissake! I analyze and see how closely what people say and do are to what they actually truly feel. To me, the political is always personal. So is the educational, the professional, the rhetorical (including the type of rhetoric and one’s need to use it at all). All are personal. Anything a person says or does, anything a person says he says, does, or thinks is grist for the psychological mill.
Jeremy sometimes “complains: “You never take a break, do you, woman?” [amazingly enough, some of my colleagues complain the exact opposite about me!!]
Fact is, I am not aware that I am always working, but yes, I guess it is automatic for me to try to figure out what a person really meant by a seemingly off the cuff comment. And then to find out if my hypothesis is correct or not.
I could go on about this, and would like to,… especially when it comes to reading subtle but oh so racist behaviors, and also those telltale remarks when people want you to know they’re rich. Soooo funny!!...but later na,
Right now I just want to go back to my original thesis: “If this isn’t love, I don’t know what is!!”
For you guys. And gals. And maybe also for me.
That I would choose staying home on a lovely, sunny day (so rare in Philly in November!!) just so I could write here. And this juxtaposed with the other option—taking a yoga class with Alex.
Alex makes it so easy. Walang personalan, trabaho lang. (Literally, “This is a job, not anything personal, so no offense taken.” Alex-ly, “It’s okay, Mommy. I want you to come to yoga, but know your work is so much more important, there’ll be other times anyway)
Jeremy says: “it’s all a matter of priorities.”
And for right here and right now, I choose writing here. Yehey!!
Among other reasons, I wanted to write about Milo, the HO, and here it is:
MILO, THE HO
Milo is one of Alex’s two cats. She is terribly skittish: won’t let you pet or even come close to her. Ever, Unless…she wants you to feed her and then she is all sweetness and light, rubbing up against your leg, making those cute little sort of yelp-ie sounds which, I imagine, promise many things in cat language.
The End.
Uh-oh.
It just occurred to me that I may be accused by the over zealous thought police that I am demeaning women by using the word ho. I don’t think so, and we can certainly go into the whys and wherefores sometime, but not now…Jeremy has just called out that lunch is ready so I am outta here. Apparently, Milo and I have a lot more in common than I first thought (chortle, chortle).